British writer and perpetual bookstore employee Jen Campbell announced that she’s publishing a book based on her blog series, “Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops.” This, in combination with Borders’ recently announced bankruptcy, has prompted me to make my own list of the funny/irritating/weird things customers have said to me during my five years as a bookstore employee (incidentally, four of those years were spent at Borders).
Favorite customers from Borders:
“Can you tell me where the NON-fiction section is?“
”…Yes, it’s everything in the store except that small corner marked ‘fiction.’”
“I’m looking for a book I saw on TV about a dog, and the guy goes to Afghanistan. I don’t remember what it’s called.“
“Do you remember who the author is?“
“No, but the cover has a dog on it. Like a yellow dog, I think.“
“Do you remember what TV show it was on?“
“No.“
“The channel?“
“No.“
“Ok.“
(We actually did manage to find the book, miraculously.)
An irate customer, to me:
“You’re a goddamned white devil!“
”…But I’m not white.“
“Are you French?“
“No.“
“From New York?“
“No.“
“Jewish? You look Jewish.”
Favorite customers from a new age bookshop I managed after Borders:
“I need help.“
“Finding a book?“
“Maybe…Someone put a curse on me. Can you tell me how to get rid of it?”
Someone trying to sell me a book they self-published:
(me) “There’s no way I can buy this book from you at this price, and sell it with a proper mark-up. It’s too expensive.“
“But it that’ s how much it cost to print it!“
“Where did you have it printed?“
“Kinkos.”
“I’d like to return this textbook.“
“Is there something wrong with it?“
“No. But the class is over now, so I don’t need it.“
“We can’t refund a book you used for a class. We can only buy it back from you.“
“But I didn’t USE it!”
On another note, I’m very sad that Borders is over. Not because I thought it was a particularly good bookstore (it wasn’t), or because it’s demise is at all surprising (I think most of us who worked there had been expecting it for years), but because it could have been prevented. During my four years of working at Borders, the mismanagement of the company was always very apparent. Their attempts to increase sales by establishing customer loyalty (a rewards program, for example) always backfired because of poor planning and misguided projections, they waited far too long to incorporate online and used book sales into their business model, jumped on the e-reader wagon way too late and failed to successfully implement a planned self-publishing platform that could have done a great deal of good for the business. The worst part, though, is that when things got tight, the company came down hardest on the lowest-level employees instead of restructuring efficiently at the top. Already among the lowest-paid workers in the retail industry, Borders employees began losing longstanding benefits and incentives, were assigned unrealistic handselling goals and threatened with punitive measures if they didn’t meet these goals (Fortunately for myself, I had already left the company, before much of that began). A company as large as Borders, which employs scores of buyers and marketers, shouldn’t rely on underpaid, part time workers to drive sales. Instead, they should have figured out what wasn’t selling and why, as well as what would have sold and how. It sounds simple, and it really is. Among other things, they should have brought some people on board who knew how to more holistically integrate their e-reader into their larger business model and sales plan, rather than treating it as a novelty gift akin to a Paperchase journal or a passing fad.
I agree completely with Ian Crouch, who writes at The Book Bench:
It’s been said widely, but can stand repeating: e-readers and digital content are not part of some tidal force bent on destroying all that is fine and good about the written word. It is just another way for customers to buy books, for companies to sell them, and for people to read them. The recession has been tough on all booksellers (Barnes & Noble’s tight spot last year brought on many of the same reflections about the state of book retail) but the growth of digital reading has not been equally hard on everyone. Short of changing its name to Kindle, Amazon has done just about everything it can to promote its e-reader; Barnes & Noble has doggedly pushed the Nook. Borders, meanwhile, owned just over ten per cent of the Kobo e-reader, and gave the device prominent placement in its stores, but never managed to make a clear connection in customers’ minds. (B&N has since shored itself up enough that commentators were suggesting it as a likely tennant in many of the soon-to-be abandoned Borders locations.) The Detroit Free Press gets it right this morning by noting that the company lost “a battle with competitors, technology and itself.”
Especially itself.